The Man I have Become

The man I have become, not the one I see in the mirror anymore,

Two years strong, or is it more?

Lives have changed, from myself to a man I barely know,

Lives have changed, of everyone I knew,

Found a page of an old memory, by mistake,

Fate finds you when you seek it the least,

And I am back again in the darkest corner of my mind,

How I wish this wasn't true, how I wish you'd see me now,

It's funny how the wheels turn, and human change with the seasons,

It's raining, in my world again,

Standing in the middle of the streets, my arms wide open,

Thank heavens for my foggy glasses,

I can't bear to look around myself, being by myself,

At the end of the day, in the end of being pretentious me,

All the glory of the promise, to change myself

Washed away, standing there by myself in the rain,

Must be hard being one's soul,

All the rain and dark days, and nowhere to hide,

From the eyes of one, it's forever cold,

And I am back again in the darkest corner of my life,

A full circle, the strength I found has lost its way,

In the end it all turns into ashes, 

And I for one have been cursed,

For the stone I worshiped, for all the offerings at its feet,

It's time finally that I have become one too.

Still Falling in Love with You

Yes, so maybe it has been a year, or a few.

We have said the words, we always wanted to.

From your glass blue eyes to your hair, now dark,

Reminds me of a evening we just had.

Not too long ago, in a wintry night,

All was quite and cold, except you.

Bright and warm in my sight.

It always felt like a puzzle, now I know why.

I've been searching for my piece,

That you've had all the while.

No it's not a fairy tale, so at times its still scary, dark, and quiet.

But now I know, I can reach inside and touch a corner of my heart glowing bright.

We have our struggles, our own demons to fight.

At times it may get rough, but you never lose the drive.

It might be silly how I am feeling right now,

But each day we are together, adds another stone in our shrine.

Oh how true the words "you never know till you find".

Its all because of you, and I love that you are mine.

The Satire

It’s a crime and we are all criminals

Criminals of witnessing the act as bystanders, let it happen they say.

Not knowing what they are breathing the life into.

Not knowing what the future will behold when it awakens.

And now it’s too late for this life to be taken away,

Green with anger and jealousy, feeding in the greed and hatred of the blinds.

The moon turns into a swastika and we all stare at it,

The eternal dream of floating away in the sunset

Is a thing of the past now.

History is being created in the hands of the old and forgetful

Greatest adventure of mankind is about to begin

In the minds of the vengeful, nothing is wrong and we are all saints,

Consumed by the fate we created, the monster.

“Crime” redefined as we cherish the hate and bigots,

Here is the pedestal, take it and walk away….they said,

Take it with all your might and chauvinism that you can muster.

There is no crime when the gods are corrupted.

We can only lay beneath you, give you the wreaths of skulls that you demand.

Peeling our own flesh away to lift the curse, it will never be enough.

The time coming is dark, there are no gods.

Only us and the devil on the pedestal.

Summer Dreams

What if the snow never melts;

And we stay apart for the rest of our lives.

Slowly withering away like a dying tree taking its last breath.

The luscious guilt around us will stay the same.

And we will be apart, forever, to the naked eyes.

The summer is here, outside of our human bodies.

Though it’s hardly enough to melt our frozen souls.

So white and pure, but hard and cruel.

A blind man’s heaven.

It’s forever winter and cold,

Freezing our will and every last breath to break free.

So if the snow never melts in our hearts,

Will you stay and fight with me?

For the right that we’ve been denied for so long,

To love and be loved,

To be one with the one we always wanted to be a part of.

Though it’s easy to leave and let go.

The summer is here and all I want is summer in our hearts.

Just open up your soul and let it be free,

With the first summer breeze coursing through our hearts

We will be together and the winter will only be a distant dream.

Growing Out Of You

I walk taller, straighter and more confident than ever

I’ve found myself again, and I’m changing everyday

It’s funny how I had to lose you to find myself.

Wonder what you’d say if you see me now

But that wouldn’t really matter, since you won’t

We’ve drifted far too apart from each other, in a matter of months

You taking the leaps, and I’m crawling my way away from you

With every shallow breath of the frozen soul

And with every rip of flesh that I tear apart from my frail body

I’m ripping apart our time together, and every breath that we took

As we walked the streets in the dark and I wanted to hold your hands,

Never that I thought it’d end so soon and the way it did.

Another missed opportunity of life, another chance to be with someone I could die for.

But I’m not too far away from the change, for better or for worse.

All I have left is myself and may be few more years of my life,

Its only wise to rediscover oneself when there is no other way to live,

No steps to retrace or a way to walking back to the past.

So I walk with my head held high, eyes staring ahead on the road

Laying in front of me an endless journey, the roads yet to be traveled.

I leave the pieces of my soul as I leave the old trail and find new ones.

Its easier for a soul that is tainted with earthly desires

To leave it and rediscover something new, even a soulless self

You are welcome to follow me if you want, but ill pretend I’m stronger than ever,

I will find myself, for better or for worse the change in me will grow

As I grow out of you.

To Kill a Memory

The memories in my head grow loud and strong

With every passing moment and my days of living in vain.

Darkest nights grow darker and brings forth the nightmares.

Nightmares I promised to take away from you, they are mine now.

The sleepless nights and my midnight walks,

There’s no one I can tell this story to,

So I’m writing this vague memory of mine,

For someone to find it and tell me it was worth it.

May be only for a moment, but they meant something to someone;

For a fleeting moment of desperation.

No I’m not selfless enough, just trying to get this burden off my chest and get some sleep.

I need to get away from all this and find my moment of silence; from my memories.

To forget and kill the devil in me that keeps asking for the impossible.

I’m not strong enough and asked for help,

But it was just a small puzzle piece in her life

That she could ignore and replace with something more meaningful to her.

And now I’m sitting here, my piece in my hand,

Trying to fill the gap with whatever I could find,

Some memories and meaningless thoughts.

I wish they’d go away, just like you did.

Take your memories with you as I’m willing to kill for them just to go away.

I failed to learn how to live with them.

It’s time to kill the memories,

The bitterness grows and I’m not scared to spill the blood anymore.

Ramblings Of A Mad Man

No we never made any promises of a heaven or hell

Never thought we needed any, like those gods that you worship

To bow and crumble in fear on your knees, to worship;

In fear of that whip that they slash the winds with,

Or in the hope of that heaven, appears far and distant.

It was irrelevant in our eyes, we saw only what we wanted to,

As we always do, and I wanted to see you with my own eyes.

To behold the glory of that sunshine, in the hope of bathing myself in it,

In the hope of washing away all my sins and shortcomings,

All I wanted for you to rise and shine your light on this trembling and timid soul of mine.

And then, may be only then I could ask for something more from this life,

As a human, to live, love and may be praise you for being you.

But I am lost and forsaken, forgotten by you like many others

That you glanced only to say we aren’t worth it.

And its hard to forget once you know the taste,

The bitter-sweetness, you know what you’ve been missing all your life,

And its hard to live again without it,

But you know its lost, the one you’ve always wanted and still do,

You long for it, the nights drag on like a never ending road to nothingness,

You wish for a change of heart, though you know it’ll never happen.

May be you’ll hear them calling your name again and they’ll welcome you with a smile,

One that only can be compared to a lover’s mischievous sweet smile,

And we will go back to our lives as we were supposed to, all this will be a memory of a time.

Miracles don’t happen in life or do they?

If I Never See You Again

If I never see you again and this winter never ends,

On a snowy day or may be at night under the bright blue moon,

In a world that’s going further away from you.

With every breath and each passing moment

Seems like an eternity has passed between us,

And the world has collided, in a never-ending war

We struggled and fought, like other toy soldiers

And failed.

Failed to show that we cared enough to carry on and push forth,

The obstacles of our minds and our timid souls.

So if I never see you again in a world further away from you;

I’ll remember you, not just like another memory that’s just there to be forgotten with time,

And like all the others, even though there weren’t many.

May be a glimpse of past will remind me of you,

Some songs or a familiar voice; or may be a walk in the darkest night.

There’s so many to choose from, I’ll just pick any and you’ll be there.

So if I never see you again, I’ll keep my eyes closed to keep you there.

And you’ll still be in my tangled threads of memory,

Like a spider’s web, it’s hard to find the beginning and the end,

Funny things these memories, even the happiest hours bring the tears

In a lonely hour, in the hour of need.

May be I’ll never see you again and it won’t tear you apart as it’ll me.

But I wish the memories we created doesn’t bring you any pain as it does to me,

I hope our happiest hours doesn’t bring any tears for you,

And if you remember us, remember our silly talks and idle walks,

Even though the seemingly endless road has ended for me,

I hope it never does for you.

So if I never see you again, this’ll be my last letter to you and may be this’ll set me free.

To all that’s sinful

And now let me drink from this goblet,

Dipped in the sins of mankind,

There is no room for a soul without sins

In this sinful world, calling out “you’re one of us”

With every sip and with every gust of decaying innocence.

The crowd cheers on, they know they’ve won.

And one more soul is up for sale, the one born a long time ago.

No longer could it resist the temptation of such lustful acts.

So, just drink and be one with everyone and everything that’s empty and meaningless.

To be one with everyone, yes that’s the dream.

No one wants to be alone, some can withstand it better than others,

But the crumbling stones of past have proven otherwise.

There is no future in this psychological sense of time,

Only repetition of the past, as a reminder of what happened and what will.

Yet we keep dragging ourselves through this void hoping for something new,

Something new and elegant in our human eyes,

Only to find sin and greed under the veil of elegance,

All that we have cherished as pure and godly is lost,

But we are still marching on, just for the sense of being alive,

And we are nothing but sinners, because we are alive.

A coward's prayer

Pierce my heart with that sweet knife of yours, like a stranger in the dark.

I have been waiting for someone to come and help me cross this road

I am alone and too afraid to do what needs to be done.

I’ve been trying to do this for a long time now, but I’ve failed over and over again.

Because I am a coward and it hurts too much and I can’t do more than a few small cuts.

Which is barely enough to see through the soul, and I know I’ll need to do more than this,

Just to feel what you’ve felt, what you’ve been through all your life.

But I am a coward and I need help, but I can’t say it loud enough,

I am afraid someone else might hear me asking for help and I cannot let them see my weakness.

It’s only you I can trust and open up my soul like never before,

So please,

Will you come and help me this time? Just for once, will you come?

I am tired of not being able to feel anything else but pain and all the acts of living.

All these small scars are never going to be enough for me, they fade.

Just the memory will remain to remind me of the days, another day.

And a few more small cuts, a few more drinks, in the hope of feeling something new.

In the hope of building up the courage one day, yeah may be one day…..

But will you come and help me cross this road?

It’s too dark to be alone here, and the blade’s just not sharp enough,

It was always meant to turn out this way and it’s time we right this wrong,

Bring that sweet blade of yours and pierce my heart,

Let’s take a look at the life after death and maybe I’ll meet you there one day once again,

We will be different, but I’ll know it’s you, I promise;

Just bring that blade and show me how you do it,

Because it’s too dark, it hurts too much and I can’t do it alone.